Undyne vs Sans: Sans's Job
by ImpulseFunWritinAnon
Summary: Undyne wielded her spear with a menacing flourish and aimed it at Sans. "YOU! And YOU!" she said, pointing it at the stunned king. "I'LL START WITH YOU, ASGORE! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME? And don't you DARE treat me like a goddamn CHILD! What the hell does Sans have to do with ANY OF THIS?" [Revised 10/21/2020]
1. Prologue

The head of the Royal Guard prepared to venture to New Home. Typically, this would be Undyne's return back for the daily report to King Asgore.

But today. Today changed Undyne's life.

Forever.

Undyne finally did it: she killed her first human.

The human was an adorable, little girl who wore a ballerina outfit. She stood, dignified, gracefully moved to avoid spear after spear. In her steadfast Integrity, she refused to ACT in the one-sided battle. She faced Undyne, unwilling to FIGHT or talk back against the excessive taunting. The child even refused to flee from her ruthless attacks. Yes, she stood there, moving in a pirouette and regained her poise, avoiding the flying spears.

Until she didn't, could no more.

While the girl lived and breathed, she carried herself like a princess. She had an unrivaled elegance, a natural spring in her step. She was beautiful in life. So beautiful. So ethereal were her movements, even as her dreamy eyes faded—as her body convulsed under Undyne's spear buried deeply into her chest. She coughed out blood as Undyne stood below her, bringing the human aloft on her pike, skewering the jabbed end further, crimson drops painting Undyne's helmet.

The human let out a pitiful wail that echoed grotesquely around them. A weak whimper lost in the misty cavern's stale air, Undyne yanked out her weapon, fresh blood spilling out from the fatal wound upon her breast.

With a sigh, the girl fell silent.

The temperature seemed to drop amid her death as if it was all not for naught—that she lived on, transcending body and spirit: there is a purpose to this act; there is _ power _in this act, even if it frayed Undyne's SOUL through this sin.

The girl's SOUL left her cold, dripping body, scarlet marring her pink tutu and dainty shoes; the scent of iron filled the mist, the humidity giving the corpse a rank smell. But that SOUL, that beautiful SOUL, that lovely blue light shocked Undyne, who wanted nothing but to lose herself in it._ Here lies the real beauty of humanity, _Undyne thought with delight she has never known.

In death, she lived. Her determination was—is—timeless. Incorporeal.

It was almost poetic. Almost.

Undyne did not care whether the child was harmless. All humans were the same to her. No, all she cared for were the ends justifying the means. Undyne's sin attributed to breaking the barrier; to free King Asgore's people from millennia of imprisonment. That is all that matters in the end: breaking out of this hell.

Someone watched the slaughter from beginning to end, hiding in the distance and blending in with the cavern's darkness. For Sans the Skeleton, it hurt to watch.

Undyne took the human's blue SOUL floating above the child's bloody corpse and reverently put it in a capsule. She stood still to gaze at the softly glowing heart with admiration, the blue haze highlighting the girl's innocent blood upon her steel pauldrons and chest plate.

Sans turned his back on Undyne, shaking his head.

_ There is no beauty in death. _

With a step forward, Sans vanished.

* * *

After Asgore appointed Sans as a 'scout' of sorts, Undyne was not happy in the slightest.

Sans would fall asleep even more frequently while on sentry duty. Worse yet, he had the audacity to set up an illegal hot dog stand. How he could operate four sentry stations within the span of one day baffled her. She paid it little mind. What mattered were results.

Unfortunately, they were abysmal.

Sans produced only mundane written reports, consisting of brief words, such as "nothing here", "nope", "the usual". If Sans felt bored enough, he would end up writing about the most inane tasks. "i made a 'dog." "i made a hotcat today." "i made an apostrophe 'dog today."

Sans was so good at doing the bare minimum that Undyne couldn't fire him, especially with Asgore insisting on keeping him around. "It doesn't hurt to have an extra pair of eyes—or eye sockets," the fluffy pushover would say, to her frustration. It seemed the 'scout' job was only a re-wording of 'sentry'.

And that is what Sans remained in Undyne's eyes—a lowly, lazy, good-for-nothing sentry.

What Undyne didn't know was that Sans's sentry job no longer included making daily reports to her, although he still made them to appease the boisterous fish monster. In actuality, Sans was chosen for the sole purpose of protecting Asgore from human invaders as a last resort. As if that wasn't strange enough, there lay yet another layer on top of another in his duties.

On the king's orders, Sans is to track the movements of humans right after they leave the Ruins. On his command, Sans is to hunt down and execute any human that Sans deemed a threat. Asgore's trust in him was unquestionable—blind, even. It took one fierce battle between the two for Sans to accept the unpleasant task. Being the clear victor, Sans proved to be an astute and dangerous adversary. These attributes were vital to his given role. A role he was ashamed of having, sure, but an important responsibility for him to help bear the king's burden. In plain sight, he was careless, bored, and bordering on eccentric (to the handful that knew his duties) for also having a career similar to Alphys. Sans knew he didn't look like much. But that was okay with him.

Sans knew himself to be akin to a merciless assassin. However, Undyne didn't know this. No, she couldn't possibly know. Not that she wasn't observant, mind you. Sans knew better than that. But when it came to his jobs, it was best to keep her, like everyone else, in the dark. Yes, of course she doesn't know.

And she is never going to be allowed to know either if Sans had anything to say about it.


	2. The Throne Room

Undyne arrived at New Home. She raced past the golden corridor, then gave out a shrilling war cry as she made her dramatic entrance into the throne room, kicking golden flower petals with every step.

"ASGORE! I DID IT! I HAVE DONE IT AT LAST! ASGORE," Undyne caught her breath for a few seconds, before bursting aloud with absolute rapture. "I HAVE ANNIHILATED THE ENEMY! I CAPTURED MY FIRST HUMAN SOUL! FUHUHUHU! GAZE IN AMAZEMENT AT MY FINE HUMAN-CAPTURING SKILLS!" she boasted as she hoisted the capsule up to Asgore's face. She glowed and beamed with pride, eagerly awaiting the king's approval.

Asgore was silent, sitting on his throne still as a mountain. Undyne swore she saw a teardrop from a corner of his eye.

"OHHHH, come on, you big softie! This is no time to grieve! This is a time for CELEBRATION! I GOT MY FIRST HUMAN SOUL! FUHUHUHUHU!"

Undyne laughed and gloated, giddily jumping up and down as she held onto the capsule. "It's all miiine! Mine, mine, MINE! FUHUHU!

"And it's YOURS now, Asgore! Go ahead! TAKE IT! THIS IS ANOTHER STEP FORWARD FOR MONSTERKIND!"

As Undyne shoved the glowing capsule closer to his downy face, Asgore looked away in revulsion and shame, pushing it away with sweaty, furred paws. "Don't," he stuttered, "I don't want to look at it. I can't do this. I can't— Please— Get it away from me! I CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T—"

_"sure you can, dreemurr," _ a grim voice spoke from the shadows.

Startled by another presence in the garden, Undyne evoked one of her spears, wielding it in her right hand with a firm grasp.

_"or should i say," _ the voice uttered in a whisper, the source of stepping forward from a dark corner of the garden, **_"murderer?" _**

"...Sans?" whispered Undyne, unnerved by the skeleton's change in his carefree demeanor.

"who else?" the short skeleton asked with a shrug and a wink—an amused twinkle in his right eye— "a ghost? or a zombie? welp—either or." Sans tilted his head curiously, gazing at the human's blue SOUL floating within the capsule clasped between Undyne's left arm. "this is more of a graveyard than a garden right now, huh, asgore? here i am, my king: the skeleton to complete the ensemble."

Asgore flinched away from the words as if slapped, trying to hide his despair. Yet, he resolved to be firm with his most disrespectful subject-turned-spy-of-the-Royal-Guard. The king did not want to give Sans the satisfaction he wanted out of his obscene mannerisms. Besides, Asgore put aside proper manners every time he had a cup of tea with his subjects, didn't he?

Maybe Sans's impudence is a misguided attempt to make him feel... what? Better about child homicide? Nevertheless, it was all lost on the sullen king. "Sans." Asgore, dropping his voice, stared daggers at Sans as to scold him, uttering coolly in a threatening whisper: "Now is not the time for your attempts to humor me, especially not the way you are try—"

"whoever said that i'm trying to be humorous?"

"Sans the Skeleton, you stop right this—! Wait." Asgore blinked. "You didn't make a pun?"

"didja really think this would be a good time for playful banter, oh," Sans bowed, _ "your most exalted child-killer highness?" _

Sans _ winked. _

_That monster! _

_He winked at me! _

Asgore felt his temper rising. "Sans, stop mocking me right this instant!"

Time suddenly seemed to stop, the room freezing. Asgore's spine tingled with a familiar, unsettling sensation.

**_"whoever said i was mocking you?" _**

_I thought...he forgave me. Is he angry with me? Or is he furious with himself like I am? Perhaps it is the latter, _mused Asgore. That train of thought did not distill his sense of unease.

Undyne shuddered at the sight of Sans's vacant expression, eyes lightless and hollow as if she looked into the face of Death itself.

Asgore snapped out of his fright. He rose from his throne, his resplendent, purple cloak billowing amongst the flowers.

"Nobody," Asgore replied curtly, looming over Sans majestically. "And I don't expect you to do so in the future."

The short skeleton's pupils reappeared, looking amused and grinned genially. "sounds good to me."

_Just as I thought, _the king realized sadly, giving Sans a grim smile. _I thank him for sparing me the isolation that the burden of this sin instills upon a SOUL. I do feel far less encumbered with him around. _Sans winked, but this time Asgore took it to be assuring and good-natured. Words will never be enough; but at this moment, there is mutual gratefulness in sharing one another's misery.

Undyne stared at the two.

_What just happened? Were they _— _ Weren't they just arguing? If they weren't... Is this the way they casually talk to each other? _ Undyne speculated, bewildered by the spectacle as she tried to sort a puzzle. God, how she detests puzzles; just knock 'em out is her philosophy.

_But wait—this can only mean that they know each other well! Too well! But how? I've never seen a conversation between them! There was that time I was told to send Sans to see him! What happened between their meeting and now? Am I missing something? Am I being left out of the loop? WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN!? _

Her mind was screaming, thoughts running into one another as she tried to make sense of what she witnessed. Her mind practically begged for everything to make sense, to bring back order into what she once knew. They are keeping something secret, she felt—Undyne just knew it! Why could they not confide in her? Is she not good enough? Did he bribe Asgore for something? Blackmail him? Nothing makes sense!

Then, her SOUL lit like a roaring fire. Jealousy seethed through her veins.

"NGAAAAAAAAAHHHH! SANS! ASGORE! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!" Undyne wielded her spear with a menacing flourish and aimed it at Sans. "YOU! And YOU!" she said, pointing it at the stunned king. "I'LL START WITH YOU, ASGORE! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING FROM ME!? And don't you DARE treat me like a goddamn CHILD! What the hell does Sans have to do with ANY OF THIS!?"

"i'm his gua—"

Undyne slung her spear with all her might—and newfound burning ire—at Sans, shrieking, "SHUT UP!"

Sans dodged to his left and gave her a dumb, then indignant, look. "hey, i was just about to answer at least one of your questions, undyne!"

Sans wanted to think fast, but he felt a yawn incoming, as untimely and inconveniencing as it was.

"how about—"

Undyne, in a state of enraged exasperation, summoned a staggering barrage of spears, angling them towards a yawning Sans. "NGAAAHHH!" As the erratic blitz of spears came nigh, the half-asleep skeleton unleashed his elusive maneuvers. Not one single spear grazed him despite his seemingly perpetual state of tiredness—how he wished for a good night's rest right then and there!

Her attempts to intimidate Sans proved to be ineffective.

"—we have a nice cup—"

Undyne, too blinded by rage, was unable to make sense out of Sans's effortless dodging. _ Oh, if only she knew, _Sans grinned grimly. _I wonder how much sleep she gets? Probably more than me _— _just look at those spears! _Sans thought in silent admiration at his new opponent. Her yelling brought him back from his rumination.

Sans is tired. _ So tired... _

"SHUT UP AND TAKE IT, YOU LAZY BAG OF BONES!"

Before Undyne could conjure more spears, her SOUL turned blue. Sans's left eye reacted to his magic, flashing a radiant yellow and cyan hue. As Undyne gasped in sheer terror, Sans launched her savagely against the dusty throne in the far corner of the room. Undyne let out an anguished scream, the collision fracturing her right arm, a chink in her gauntlet apparent from the impact.

"anyway, as i was saying," Sans began again, calmly, "how about we have a nice cup of tea over this?"

Seeing Undyne's inability to stop amid her adrenaline rush, Sans settled on his next course of action.

Sans rushed towards Undyne, undaunted, and drove her SOUL up into the air with a flick of his wrist, violently slamming her into the high ceiling.

_"or," _ he leered at Undyne with (almost) fake animosity, tilting her upside down to face him up close, forcing his gaze to burn into her terrified eyes.

**_"would you rather have a bad time?" _**

Sans manifested a sadistic grin, his lurid glare supported in part by his developing violent tendencies that resided in some part of his damaged, but still firmly intact, SOUL. Undyne's instability and unwillingness to listen had not helped thus far except to shock her greatly—to instill fear into her.

_Perhaps now she will listen. _

"heh. you probably do."

Sans flung Undyne's wounded body towards Asgore haphazardly, followed by newly-cast bright, burning beams of light surging from—what appeared to Undyne—big, creepy skulls with the brightest eyes she has ever seen.

Asgore's SOUL descended into the pits of despair, his furred face contorted in terror as he stared down at Undyne's battered, bleeding body, traumatized by the all-too-familiar dreadful, magic-induced pressure and his own near-death experience.

Asgore called out in desperation to Sans, the skeleton overcome in a trance by his summoned abominations. The king did not know it then, but Sans stood stuck in a deep state of anamnesis, experiencing his most cherished, happiest memories—and his worst. Things he remembered; things he has yet to experience. (Where they came from was anyone's guess, based on his tireless research with Alphys into the time-space continuum.) As Sans continued to get lost within himself, it dawned on him that he has never felt so scared of himself until this moment. It was surreal; it felt so good and so wrong at the same time, the overwhelming emotions destabilizing his SOUL. He could feel it all around him, and yet he could not stop...

This was indeed the most disturbing thing that Undyne has ever seen in her life.

"SANS," cried Asgore, "PLEASE STOP!"

Willing Sans to come back to his senses, Asgore yelled out in anger: _ "Stop being a hypocrite, and have mercy on her! _Why try to kill Undyne, when you don't even want to kill anybody in the first place!? Please, Sans, I urge you to remember! Remember the monster you are!"

The king stopped, realizing he was not reaching Sans at all. He tried for a tactless approach.

"This is most unbecoming of you!"

No response. The pressure intensified.

Undyne had enough of this. Despite her injuries, she dashed towards the possessed, distant skeleton, as she conjured a halo of razor-sharp magical projectiles.

"HEY! WAKE UP, YOU LAZY, GOOD-FOR-NOTHING, SMILEY TRASHBAG!"

With those words, she launched her greatest onslaught yet, awaiting the finishing blow.

Sans's right pitch-black eye socket got its pale pupil back—as well as his peculiar left eye—his senses coming back to him. Looking alertly at the sharp, converging projectiles coming towards him, he looked lively and nimbly veered out of the way, jumping out of the reach of Undyne's lethal spears as they lacerated and tore apart his blue hoodie.

When Sans sidestepped his way out of the last shower of spears, Undyne conjured one lone sharp, fatal spear from the opposite direction, taking him by surprise.

"NGAAAAHHHHHH! WHY WON'T YOU GET HI—"

At the very last second, Sans disappeared out of harm's way, and as he reappeared behind her, unleashed the devastating, infernal blasts. The sound resonated all over New Home and beyond, letting out all the pent-up black energy that welled up within him just seconds ago.

Sans landed hard on top of Undyne and Asgore, covering her from further damage. The sheer raw magnitude of Sans's out-of-control Blasters made the Underground quake violently, causing the entrance of the throne room to cave in on itself.

Seconds felt like minutes.

Minutes felt like hours.

Then, a welcoming silence fell upon them as the dust settled.

There they lay in the middle of the ruined garden, the room in complete disarray from all the chaos. Realizing that Undyne's spears cut up and shredded Asgore's beautiful golden flowers, Undyne waved her hand and made all the conjured spears vanish. The foreboding pressure in the air dissipated soon after.

All of a sudden, Sans started laughing. Not chuckling—laughing. Undyne and Asgore looked at each other in confusion as to what Sans would find so funny; it was eerily unfitting.

Sans tired of laughing after a minute or so, then caught his breath.

"heh heh... heh... hey... heya asgore... remember that light-blue SOUL i gave ya? oh you don't? let me refresh your memory: the little girl with the cute knife and red ribbon? i gotta tell ya. at first, i thought that i didn't have to kill her. that i didn't have to follow through with 'carrying the burden'." Sans chuckled darkly as he continued. "i was so stupid. so hopeful to think that i would be able to solve things without any means for violence. ya know, that's why i love my little brother. papyrus. he keeps me grounded, in a way.

"he was never one for violence," Sans thought aloud fondly. "anyway, i followed her ever since she left the ruins, just like i was supposed to. i thought about what would make a good first impression, and i figured, 'hey, why not some of my jokes? they are hilarious. my brother loves em!' so i get one of my whoopee cushions and catch up to the kid. as i looked a little closer, i noticed she looked like she had seen a ghost. i must have stepped on a few branches as i made my way towards her. i figured that's what scared her. i hold back a moment while the kid tried to make sense of papyrus's barricade on the bridge. she was completely unsure of herself, so i decide to approach her slowly as not to scare her any further...

"she screamed as soon as she saw me. and guess what she did? she grabbed her little toy knife and _ lunged at me! _tried stabbing me with it. as i was laying on the ground, i wanted to think it was self-defense, but then... i saw it: a weird glint in her eyes. she was very, uh, determined to get rid of me. she had the plastic knife at my SOUL for a moment—a moment, i gotta admit, that seemed to last forever.

"i wasn't expecting her to go right for it, ya know? i gave it a second thought as i tried telling her to drop her weapon, but then... i saw another thing that chilled me to the bone: the dust on her knife. on her hair. on her ribbon. on her fingers. she had already killed someone in the ruins. whoever it was, i felt my SOUL wanting to reach out for them, but i knew it was in vain. i felt unfathomable pain... so sudden was my grief! of course i couldn't reach them. i knew deep inside it was too late.

"and then i felt it... i felt something brimming inside of me. i'm still not entirely sure what it was. i felt time slow down for a moment...

"and i killed her. i gave it everything i got: bones, blasters, the works. she... she didn't even have any resemblance to the human i first saw anymore. after it was all over, all i could do was stare. her blood was on my hands, my clothes... my SOUL felt tainted—the very culmination of my being that she was aiming to undo. she knew what she was doing. and i guess that's when i lost it. staring at her mangled corpse was not going to help me sleep well at night, and leaving it there wasn't going to bode well for anybody's breakfast, lunch, or dinner if anybody decided to take a stroll near there.

"i felt horrible for killing the kid, yet my SOUL felt a little livelier. i went to bury her near my sentry station. forgot where. i want to forget anyway. i had no coffin for her. there were no kind words i could say to her. i was speechless. girl tried to kill me, so how was i supposed to muster any sensible eulogy for somebody i didn't know?

"before i finished burying her, i looked at her one last time. despite her meaning to do monsters harm, whether out of panic or pure hatred, i felt a deep sadness inside. why did it have to be this way? why couldn't we have talked a bit? why wasn't i given a chance to shake her hand with a whoopee cushion? why was she the way she was? what did i ever do to her to deserve death?

"_why couldn't i save her? _why couldn't i bring her to like us? why... why did i feel like a complete piece of _garbage? _why did i feel like quitting?

_"it hurt. bad," _ whispered Sans. "it hurt so much, asgore, that i thought the pain of it would destroy me. _ i wished she tore me apart. _

"it was then i came back to my senses. i had to do something about that SOUL. the power of a human SOUL is far too valuable to leave around, as you well know. so, after all i went through to try to avoid violence... i ended up having to do the very thing i didn't want. i took her SOUL from her lifeless body, by my own doing. holding it made me feel disgusted with myself. i put it in my pocket and went back to my lab to put it in one of the capsules you told me to put the SOULs in. why didn't i absorb the SOUL, you ask? because it felt wrong. i didn't want that overwhelming, corrupting power, or anything like it. i just wanted the kid back. i just wanted to re-do the whole thing all over again in hopes that she would find the compassion to get to know us better, and not kill us on sight.

"heh. what a great, wonderful world that would be, huh?"

Sans felt a mournful sigh want to give way, but let out what he hoped was a shaky breath. That is sentimental enough. Yet not too much. This is for him to face alone—he is not one for pity. He pitied Asgore, but Sans refused to start pitying himself. He has gotten this far. It does not do him good to dwell on a lost friendship; a friendship he would never know now. But letting this out gave him solace. Letting out this heavy burden has never felt this good, as much as it broke him from the inside.

"now i am paying for my sins. just look at what i did to this room alone. i didn't want violence. i didn't want to execute anybody. yet here i am, laying on top of my pals in a pile of rubble, flowers in cinders thanks to a bunch of my stupid blasters. it's all just evidence of the inevitable: slowly but surely, i'm losing control of my life, in more ways than one. this job is hell.

"i deserve to burn in hell for what i've done. i can't even look at my brother the same way anymore. i'm afraid of him one day finding out about what i do. who knows, it may be after the barrier breaks. whenever it is... i'm... i'm afraid he will not want me to hang out with him anymore, or associate himself around me. i'm afraid that... he will reject me as a brother. he probably would... or wouldn't. heh. actually... now that i think about it... knowing him, he probably would accept all the vile things i've done, like the cool dude he is."

Undyne felt the dejection and hopelessness in the air—she felt like she was intruding upon an extremely private moment. She didn't think she could feel anymore unwelcome in her life. She looked away, no longer wanting to hear any more of... whatever this was.

"i don't deserve someone like him."

_Is that...disgust? _

_Self-disgust? _

Undyne stood up abruptly and fell, limping and backing away, slowly at first. Then, as if the field and the corridor were on fire, Undyne rushed back home to take her mind off of this. All of it. This is a sick version of hell where they are all condemned. And she knew it. Oh God, she knew.

Undyne ran. It hurt to run—so very bad—but she dared not look back. Her tears were undoubtedly stemming from the pain—the physical pain. Not this oppressive burden that weighed her down and settled on her bruised and wounded body.

Denial never felt so sweet.

* * *

Let us stare and fall slowly together into the abyss, for only then can there be a unity of sorts that cannot ever hope to be broken, even in death. And when the world comes to an end, the resonating silence will make a lasting statement to the universe at large - that in the grand scheme of our cosmic creators, we never mattered except to each other. That secret kinship we will take to the nebula, our final grave, in which our bodies will merge and at long last, truly matter, filling the shattering universe with all that we ever were.

No civilization will really know us, nor us know them, for we are all far out of reach. Perhaps that is for the best.


End file.
